Revelations & Chai Tea

I've realized:

- my life has revolved around being a people pleaser. I have true anxiety at the idea that someone is made at me or that I have done something wrong. But, I've realized that sometimes even my best is not good enough. I need to stop trying and focus on bettering myself away from the situation.

-I need to move.

-I had a 3rd thing that I realized over the weekend, but now I can't remember because this is my 3rd attempt at writing this blog entry, due to the fact that I accidentally deleted one entry and then was so frustrated with the 2nd that I had to walk away.

-Ahh, yes..I want to start running/walking again. I miss being active and going places. I'm kick starting C25k tonight after work. I'm very excited about it.

so its 6:20 on a very Monday morning. I want to start a new tradition. Getting up early and drinking some tea. I figure it would be good to drink some chai since it is so yummy delicious. I wish I had some scones. I forgot how much I loved Good Earth Chai. I love the flavor, the quote that is at the end of the tea bag that is really inspirational.

"Tis better to be silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt." Abe Lincoln

I have pretty low expectations that I'm going to be able to continue this trend after this morning, but you never know. This weekend was interesting and really made me thing about a few things. First of all, had a disheartening revelation on the friendship front. I got to the breaking point with someone that has made me decide to just stop trying because whatever I do is not good enough. If said person has problems with things that I have done he/she needs to talk to me about instead of giving me the cold shoulder every time I attempted to talk with him/her. I'm tired of trying..I am a people pleaser, but damn...I know I'm not a bad person, I definitely screw up on a regular basis but I'm trying..why isn't that good enough. So, I'm done. I am disentangling myself from said person.

2nd realization. I want to move. I'm feeling restless and I'm pretty much tired of living in the heart of the bible belt. I want to live somewhere that has a little bit more of a diverse opinion on life matters. Religion, politics, etc, etc.. I am tired of being a minority in my opinions...I'm non confrontational...I don't want to have to a discussion about the separation of church and state with my coworkers. I really don't..but, sometimes I just want to scream here. The only problem with this is the fact that I love my job and I love the people that I directly work with. I'll miss both and its kind of scary to think about moving in this day in age since everyone is so, "be thankful that you have a job". I'd like to somewhere new by next summer. The hard part is figuring out where.

Options:
-Maryland (there are expectations there since, my mom is up there)
-Triad (heard its a happening place)
- ATL (I like it down there, but I know, I know..its deeper into the bible belt..but I figure its so big, perhaps I can find my nitch there)
-Chicago...(home, need I say more)
-Washington State (I could be closer to my BFF Amy)
-some place new and random that I have never been, but have always wanted to go
-England (what I would give to live closer to my sis and my nieces)

Lastly, I need to exercise like a freakin I don't know what. a friend from out of town was here..she just looked awesome and her secret was that she runs all the time. It made me miss the times when I was walking all the time this summer. So, I'm going to start training with the Couch to 5k program again. I'm going to start after work tonight. I've looked up different 5k races to do and there is a really cute one in ATL called the jingle jog on Dec. 11. Its a x-masy race where you get to wear jingle bells on your shoes, and santa will be there to cheer everyone on! I need something to motivate me and give me something to focus on.

just because I felt like watching one of my fav videos.

total slacker week..

This week, the only form of exercise that I got was when i got to visit my buddy Heishman in Durham...We walked on the East Campus of Duke and walked an easy 3.5 mi...had a hard time walking any other time this week because it was so fricken hot and I was at the mercy of my mom's senior apt complex in maryland. The gym closing at 8 pm each night did not work well with my schedule. I have to admit it was nice being a slacker this week. I am about to fall back into the groove tomorrow though, and walk 14 mi and then 7 on Sun. I'm excited. Other than hanging out with Heishman in Durham..nothing really exciting happened in my world.

Visting my mom is always fun and interesting. Its stressful, because she has dementia and sometimes has meltdowns about stuff that anyone else would be able to handle. Kind of got into it a bit after she asked me 30 times, what the red sauce that came with the breadsticks was...but, I love her all the same and she has to love me when my short fuse goes off. Thats what her dementia is like..its not forgetting people, because for the most part she remembers everyone..she has problems with remembering what's she doing, where she's going, and what things are.

We made plans to go to the National Gallery of Art on Wed, didn't go because we struggled getting ready to go..its alright...I can go again..perhaps I can get a friend to come with me for a visit and we can go off..Side note, I don't know why I haven't visited the National Gallery yet...its free and filled with some of my fav artists...Vermeer, Cassat, Picasso, etc...why haven't I gone? And HELLO, its free!?!?!? So, yeah, can someone please come with me? I'll even throw in another free museum that they seem to have a plenty of in DC..I'm partial to Art and Natural History Museums..but, willing to go to others.

Other than get my hopes up about seeing art, the only other thing that I accomplished was Reading. My aunt gave me a stack of her books to read...which I loved! I read the book that I have been trying to get my hands on for at least a month in less than a day. I read The Girl who Chased the Moon by Sarah Addison Allen..fantastic NC author. love her. In fact going to include link to her website..



Upcoming events to look foward/ dread...
-Fundraiser for the Avon Walk @ Simonetti's Pizza
-Return to Work on the 19th..lots of trainings, mtgs, conferences...FUN Stuff...actually looking foward to it..ready to be back in a routine.
-turning 29 on the 30th of this month...not really looking foward to that, but oh well..
-attempting to find time to make a trip to the beach...looking foward, hoping, praying that it will happen.
-Avon Walk for Breast Cancer..Oct 23-24....still so much fundraising to do!

Its been a crazy week or so...

So, its been a crazy two weeks..I adopted a kitten that I have named so far PITA, toying with other names (Pain in the A$$)..but, only say in the most lovingly way. Its been interesting to say the least, seeing as this is my first cat. I don't really like the 20+ attempt sneak attacks of my feet a day. Its like either she's sleeping or in attack mode. I completely slacked off on my workouts last week. I missed some of my walking days..but, I did keep up with the most important day of the week..my 8 mi walk over the weekend. It was weird because I did it at the gym. The most entertaining part was, I was able to read a book while I was walking. It was an endurance walk so I set my speed to 3.5 and went..thats a nice speed where you feel like you are going somewhere but still able to stare at a book with out falling on your face. (The book I was reading was Garden Spells by Sarah Addison Allen...which I loved..I love her writing..such a fan. Can't wait to read her new one.) It was nice to be inside in the A/C..but, I missed being able to be outside in the sunshine, seeing trees galore and actually feeling like I'm accomplishing something by knowing that I am going some place rather than on a stationary machine...

This week I've done much better with my training..I worked hard on my 3 mi days. My times have gotten much better ..Minutes have been melting off. This weekend, we are moving up to 10 mi on Sat..looking foward to it..Its prob going to take 3 hrs, but when I finish..I feel great...and am usually hungry as hell. Did make a mistake of going to Cici's last week..but, its alright..my diet has been going rather well this week as well..like tonight I made Jerk Chicken, with Couscous and peas...it was yummy..Pita attempted to get into my plate, so I would like to think that she agrees. I hope all of my hard work this week shows on the scale. I'd like to drop some more weight before I go back to work in a few weeks..I can't believe the summer has gone by so quickly! Alright just realized Glee was on...so I'm going to go watch Wheels for probably the 20th time.

Thanks Heishman!

Thank you Amy Heishman for reintroducing me and giving me a reason to be back on Blogger! ..though, I have to change it around a bit..not doing the Couch to 5k anymore. Instead I'm training to do the Avon 2Day Walk for Breast Cancer..which is a feat in itself...39.3 miles in two days...26.2-Day 1. Right now we are up to walking 6 miles for our endurance walks, which I love the long walk days..but, my walking and training buddy Kristy does not like..:D Next Saturday we are moving up to 8 miles! I have to find a new place to walk..we currently train mostly at the Greenway in Gastonia, but its going to start getting old to be walking back forth..esp on the end that seems to go nowhere and ends on Hudson. >.<>

Speaking of Avon Walk..we have scored our first real fundraising event..Pizza Night at Simonetti's in Belmont..so, local peeps be prepared..Event coming soon! August 15th, we are going to be at Simonetti's..He is going to be giving 10% of proceeds for the day to us! We have to bring the customers in..so, I'm in the process of creating a poster and hitting up my friends! :D

Just completed Week 2!!

I almost didn't go though. I've been sick all weekend and I should have completed the week on either Fri or yesterday which discouraged me, but the weather was nice so I decided to just go. I was the usual nervousness for training in my neighborhood, but I was like what the hell..just go. I wasn't as fast I was on the treadmill..but, I still made good time. My mile was 14:33 (according to my ipod) which it had been 14:04 on the treadmill..but, I figure there is nothing forcing me to go a certain speed out on the road so my time outside is more realistic. My legs were tired and I felt like walking a few times, but I pushed through anyway...The best part was two of my neighbors that I usually talk when I'm out walking Maddie stopped me to tell me that they were so proud that I was out there running! It felt nice to hear that others were noticing my efforts in a good light. My neighbor from across the way even said that inspired her to go back to Nutrisystem :)

So, now I am on to Week 3..I'm nervous, I think this is the point where you actually have to really start going distances..if anything I'm going to go really slow and go from there...I understand the whole science of endorphins (sp??) now..well, not completely...I feel so good when I'm finished with my workout. Its like I totally could just smile and laugh. GREAT feeling. I hope the weather stays nice..I'd like to continue to keep running outside..Well, time to get ready for another week with my kiddos! Usual Sunday Night ritual...laundry, dishwasher, dinner..I hope everyone has had a wonderful Sunday! :D

Hump Day is almost over..

So...W2D2 completed! Is it weird that my legs hurt when I'm walking, but feel better when I am in the running portions??? I hope this pain in my shins eventually go away, because its getting annoying..I don't want to slow down but its painful!! It feels good to be one of the elite's at the YMCA who is running..though everyone is probably thinking that I am weird because I go through intervals of running, walking, running, walking, etc....I'm getting to the point where I DON'T CARE what people thing of me...which is a struggle for me. I think I'm going to have to buy new gym shoes soon..my shoes are starting to feel worn. Would it be bad to run in X-trainers? (Until I can afford to go out and buy some new nike's) I really don't like those shoes so its probably not going to happen.

In other news..I'm officially signed up for the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer, which I am totally pumped for! My team, the Streetwalkers (funny, huh? Kristy came up with the name..:D) and I are getting together to brainstorm what we need and want to do for fundraising this weekend. Each of us has to come up with $1800 each. Total of $7200!! I think we can do it though! I'm thinking raffles, bbq sales, email campaigns, etc. I'm working on writing my testimonial for my walk page but, here is a link to my Avon Walk page. Alrighty...I'm going to find some trouble to get into. Good Night!