Revelations & Chai Tea

I've realized:

- my life has revolved around being a people pleaser. I have true anxiety at the idea that someone is made at me or that I have done something wrong. But, I've realized that sometimes even my best is not good enough. I need to stop trying and focus on bettering myself away from the situation.

-I need to move.

-I had a 3rd thing that I realized over the weekend, but now I can't remember because this is my 3rd attempt at writing this blog entry, due to the fact that I accidentally deleted one entry and then was so frustrated with the 2nd that I had to walk away.

-Ahh, yes..I want to start running/walking again. I miss being active and going places. I'm kick starting C25k tonight after work. I'm very excited about it.

so its 6:20 on a very Monday morning. I want to start a new tradition. Getting up early and drinking some tea. I figure it would be good to drink some chai since it is so yummy delicious. I wish I had some scones. I forgot how much I loved Good Earth Chai. I love the flavor, the quote that is at the end of the tea bag that is really inspirational.

"Tis better to be silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt." Abe Lincoln

I have pretty low expectations that I'm going to be able to continue this trend after this morning, but you never know. This weekend was interesting and really made me thing about a few things. First of all, had a disheartening revelation on the friendship front. I got to the breaking point with someone that has made me decide to just stop trying because whatever I do is not good enough. If said person has problems with things that I have done he/she needs to talk to me about instead of giving me the cold shoulder every time I attempted to talk with him/her. I'm tired of trying..I am a people pleaser, but damn...I know I'm not a bad person, I definitely screw up on a regular basis but I'm trying..why isn't that good enough. So, I'm done. I am disentangling myself from said person.

2nd realization. I want to move. I'm feeling restless and I'm pretty much tired of living in the heart of the bible belt. I want to live somewhere that has a little bit more of a diverse opinion on life matters. Religion, politics, etc, etc.. I am tired of being a minority in my opinions...I'm non confrontational...I don't want to have to a discussion about the separation of church and state with my coworkers. I really don't..but, sometimes I just want to scream here. The only problem with this is the fact that I love my job and I love the people that I directly work with. I'll miss both and its kind of scary to think about moving in this day in age since everyone is so, "be thankful that you have a job". I'd like to somewhere new by next summer. The hard part is figuring out where.

Options:
-Maryland (there are expectations there since, my mom is up there)
-Triad (heard its a happening place)
- ATL (I like it down there, but I know, I know..its deeper into the bible belt..but I figure its so big, perhaps I can find my nitch there)
-Chicago...(home, need I say more)
-Washington State (I could be closer to my BFF Amy)
-some place new and random that I have never been, but have always wanted to go
-England (what I would give to live closer to my sis and my nieces)

Lastly, I need to exercise like a freakin I don't know what. a friend from out of town was here..she just looked awesome and her secret was that she runs all the time. It made me miss the times when I was walking all the time this summer. So, I'm going to start training with the Couch to 5k program again. I'm going to start after work tonight. I've looked up different 5k races to do and there is a really cute one in ATL called the jingle jog on Dec. 11. Its a x-masy race where you get to wear jingle bells on your shoes, and santa will be there to cheer everyone on! I need something to motivate me and give me something to focus on.